Member Contact Guide

safety and friendship

Friendships are welcome and encouraged. This guide explains how to communicate safely, what is prohibited (private recruitment for intimate practices), and how to invite members to group events transparently.

Practical guardrails for members

Friendships are fine. Members may message and build friendships.
No secret recruitment. If you want to invite someone to an intimate practice, do not DM - post the invitation publicly to the group or event thread and allow the person to opt in.
Use public threads for invitations. Public invitations create transparency and allow others to see and report pressure or boundary issues.
Safety buddy for private meetups. If two members meet privately (non-intimate), consider choosing a safety buddy who knows the time/place and can check in.
Document intimate invitations. For anything that could be sensual or involve touch, the invitation must be posted publicly and follow the Ritual/Event Rules (disclosure, opt-in, safety buddy, consent).
Consent & respect always. No pressure, no guilt, no spiritual coercion. Silence is not consent.
Report concerns. If a member feels pressured or notices grooming/pressure, report it immediately.

Suggested text you can use when first DMing someone (non-pressuring)

Hi, I enjoyed your post about [topic]. Would you like to chat sometime about [shared interest]? I prefer to keep initial invites public; if you’re comfortable, I’ll post a group thread so others can join or observe. No pressure either way.

And if someone wants to meet privately but it’s non-intimate:

I’m happy to meet in person. I’ll share the time/place with my safety buddy [name] so someone knows where I am.

If you would like to invite someone to a sensual or intimate practice

You must follow the Event Rules:

Post a public event description (purpose, sequence, participants, substances, opt-out).
Require opt-in (no auto-add).
Designate a safety buddy.
Obtain written/verbal consent per the consent script before any intimate action.

(Any private DM that requests participation in a sensual activity violates policy.)

Tips to reduce risk

Encourage members to meet in public or semi-public places first.
Recommend an initial group meeting/observation before private meetups.
Encourage keeping records of invitations (screenshots or public posts) if someone feels uneasy.
Suggest new members bring a friend or safety buddy to early meetups.

Red flags to watch for in friendships